Girl Friendships Are Not for the Weak

Hey guys!

This has been such a crazy month. Wedding season started, and I kicked it off with two weddings at the same damn time, and by God’s grace, it all went well. More on that in my next vlog.

But today, what’s been on my heart is friendship… and just how deep it can get, especially with girl friendships.

One of my guy friends said to me that he never realized how deep girls take things until he hears about an issue one has with another. And honestly… girl friendships are that deep. There’s a bond there that a man will just never fully understand.

I grew up having to pick up on cues at a very young age, so something as small as a friend not liking my post or not commenting like they used to? Yeah… that will definitely set off an alarm in my head. Like, sis, are we good?

But one thing I can say about my friendships is that they’ve played a huge role in the kind of woman I am today, and even how I show up as a planner for my clients on their special days.

I moved from Nigeria to America at a very young age, and that came with a lot of bullying. But what stayed consistent was one of my girlfriends who always stood up for me. That kind of loyalty sticks with you.

I’m someone who values patterns and consistency in relationships. So yes, I’m that girl! I have a friend to travel with, a friend to gossip with, a friend to go to Chris Brown concerts with, a friend to watch movies with, a friend to go to the same café with… and so on. And if you go and do that thing with another friend? Yeah… it might be a problem lol.

As I got older and became more in tune with myself and my insecurities, it became very clear that friendships will always bring out what you need to work on.

I’ll never forget a friend I made in grad school. There was a time I was actually annoyed because she kept checking on me — consistently asking if I was okay. At the time, that kind of love felt so strange to me. Maybe I didn’t think I deserved it, or maybe I just wasn’t used to that pattern in a friendship.

When I realized I was bugging (thank you, therapy), I started saying a little prayer for her. Because she showed me something I didn’t even know I needed. And now? We’re thick as thieves.

But what people don’t really talk about is the disagreements.

What happens when you and a close friend disagree? When you stop talking for a week? Or even worse… you go to Miami together and come back as strangers (I feel like at least 1 in 500 girls has experienced this LOL).

I think what happens after is what really matters.

Who becomes the bigger person? Do you actually talk about it? Or do you act like nothing happened and continue the friendship with built-up tension and quiet resentment?

For me, the way I handle conflict has definitely evolved, from middle school Addy to college Addy to now.

I remember in middle school, I stopped speaking to one of my close friends… and to this day, I don’t even know why. I just stopped. She didn’t even do anything. I only started talking to her again because my fat self wanted snacks she was offering. And before she gave them to me, she said, “So you’re going to start speaking to me again?” I said yes… and then went right back to giving her the silent treatment.

Till this day, I cringe. That was so fake.

Since then, I’ve grown. There are some friendships I’m okay with walking away from without an explanation, and there are others where I’ll address it before anything else.

But the ones I want to talk about are the friendships you actually want to keep.

The ones that matter.

If I care about you deeply and something doesn’t sit right with me, I already know I’m going to have a conversation with you. And in having that conversation, my hope is that we can get back to how we were.

But honestly? It’s never the same, it’s stronger.

Because now we understand each other on a different level.

I hate when friends fall out and immediately go their separate ways without even trying to talk it out. Sometimes those conversations show you, “Okay… maybe I was bugging.”

There are definitely conversations I wish I had in my life. But the truth is, not everyone is able to meet you where you are.

And that’s okay.

When I see brides choosing their bridesmaids and maid of honor, I know there’s a story behind those choices. I’ve never seen a long-lasting friendship that didn’t go through ups and downs, disagreements, or moments of tension.

The friendships that last are the ones that are intentional.

The ones where both people choose each other,  over and over again.

Friends are people we choose. And it’s rare to find a good friend.

But to have a good friend… we also have to be one.

Shoutout to all of my girlfriends, the ones who have been there, who have loved me well, and who have shown me that what I ask for in friendship is never too much… and is absolutely possible to receive in return.